s-NO-w way!

Hi there,

It has taken a “Snow Day” here in the West of Ireland to give me a chance to sit in & write to you today. For those of you experiencing this cold snap, I hope you are safe, well, warm & possibly even enjoying building a snowman, making snow angels or throwing some snow balls. I have been entertained by the reactions of our animals to the white stuff!!! While the dogs were straight in without hesitation, the cats were very much the opposite. Many people I feel were the same this morning but one interaction I had brought about this email & the thought of how, even on a snow day, our skills in assertiveness are warranted & necessary.

Earlier today, I encountered a neighbour in a bit of a dilemma. She had been told to come in to work regardless of the road conditions. Needless to say she was apprehensive, as she had already witnessed the failed attempts of drivers around us. She still felt compelled to try however, in order to satisfy her boss.

I was interested to see that she reacted to the different opinion of each person she spoke to. Each time she spoke to her boss, she approached the car, while if speaking to a neighbour she quickly responded to their idea. When I asked how she felt about driving herself, she said she did not feel confident & feared getting stuck along the way. I agreed it was a risk with high probability having also witnessed others being unable to navigate the terrain. With further persuasion from her employer & with the help of a few locals she made her way from her driveway, getting stuck many times, but eventually got on her way. I hope she arrived safely & will return with ease later this evening.

This scenario reminded me of how important it is to be able to communicate our “No” effectively. I understand her boss has needs to meet but I also believe it is unnecessary & even dangerous to advise someone to drive in hazardous conditions. The safety needs of this person were not considered. It also reminded me of how important it is that we are clear in our own opinion rather than relying on the views of others. Each person will have their say, yet only the driver knew her car, her competence, her experience, as well as her view of the difficult road conditions she was facing. While it can be good to challenge ourselves & stretch beyond our fears, it is also good to allow people to choose which fears they wish to overcome!

Always remember to ask yourself how you feel about something first before you take on the views of those around you. While their opinions may further inform you, you will also have your own internal reference to ground you. With this in mind, I share with you some guidance on establishing healthy boundaries which includes many examples of how to say “NO” effectively. This online course will aid your understanding of the blocks to boundary setting & how to overcome them in order to communicate your actual needs.

Enjoy & best wishes,

Vivianne.