What Blocks Communication?

Hello again,
When you consider your communication style or even you communication skills, what comes to mind?
Do you list all the areas of imperfection or the skills you need to learn?
Do you think of the relationships that just don’t seem to flow?
Do you reflect upon your own blocks to communication & think of the things you should’ve said but just couldn’t?
Do you blame others for their blocks?

We often think of developing communication skills as learning off a list of tools & techniques but what if we look at our deeper resistance to talking about certain topics or even to certain people?
What are the real reasons that we avoid tough conversations?
Why is it that we feel unheard & misunderstood in certain relationships?
For each of us it may be a different reason but many reasons will have fear behind them. Be it a fear of being judged, fear of intimacy, fear of vulnerability, fear of being needed, fears of rejection or abandonment, all fear is genuine, needs validation, exploration & soothing. How else will we come to understand ourselves….. and if we don’t understand ourselves, how can anyone else come to understand us?
To dismiss our fears also dismisses our real needs for safety, non-judgement & a compassionate other in our lives. It dismisses the necessity for our own compassion too.

You see, to share of ourselves is an intimacy; a privilege we offer to the receiver, as is to receive from another in this way. No number of tools or techniques can honour the sacredness of this intimacy. What can support us to meet each other more effectively is being aware of this privilege. When we do so, we set an intention to be present & connect, to not only hear, but empathically understand the other. When we choose to listen in this way, our souls are enriched with a depth of connection. The other disappears & we cross the divide to feel a unity; a oneness.

A personal situation that really cemented this truth was; I fell out with my sister & wanted to communicate how I felt to her but I realised I did not want my nephew to receive me in this way because it could hurt or frighten him to see & feel my upset. I wanted to safeguard his little nervous system from the hurt I was feeling. What really got me was, if I did not want him to receive me like this, then why on earth would I want my sister to when I have so much love for her too. I realised I needed to regulate myself further so that I could discuss my feelings & hear hers without causing harm to each other. Being aware of the vulnerability of a child helped me to access that compassion for our adult vulnerability which also exists. Compassion entered the divide & changed the way I entered the conversation. I certainly did not get it “right” but I definitely made a more compassionate step in understanding some of the fears that block our communication.
As I have been writing the masterclass for this week, I have been in deep reflection about what I need to communicate but also wondering what it is you wish to develop within yourself. My intention is to bring an embodied approach to effective communication so that we learn how to self-regulate & understand the needs of our nervous system in communication with the other. I will also share key topics of good communication techniques, the different communication styles, listening skills, assertiveness & conflict management.
I invite you to discuss your communication needs with me in the hope that you will also gain further insight which may reduce some of the blocks to communication that you are experiencing.
We meet this Thursday evening from 7pm – 9pm. Please book your place through the link below but until then, I will leave you with these reflections: How can I offer safety in relationships so that others can communicate with me? How can I offer safety to myself so that I can communicate with others?
Best wishes,
Vivianne.