Nurture Newsletter July 2023
Attachment or Connection
Hello again,
Attachment is an interesting topic.
You know that feeling of being attracted to the person who doesn’t actually meet your needs? Or that inability to let anything go? How about the repulsion you feel towards that very needy person? And the more you push them away, the more they come forward & want to be seen & heard. Yes! That can all be viewed through an attachment lens to help us understand our attachment style.
Attachment describes how we have been conditioned to relate to others. It is formed by our relationship with our primary caregivers yet can dictate a huge amount about how we interact in life. Attachment theory sites four styles:
- Anxious attachment, when I want you to tell me that I am OK. I don’t know it within myself.
- Avoidant attachment describes when contact feels a lot for me, perhaps unsafe, so I try to keep a certain amount of distance. This is often from a fear of being overwhelmed or engulfed by the other.
- Disorganised attachment wants contact but cannot cope with it therefore brings a push/pull style in nature.
- Finally, Secure attachment is where we all want to be but only about 50% of people are actually there. This is a place of being OK in intimacy, I can let go & trust the other will return. It tells me I am OK, you are OK & if we meet we meet & I can trust in the flow of life.
The reason I bring this to you today is that our focus for July is Connection. While attachment & connection are two different experiences, it is important to be aware of our attachments in order to connect better in life. You see, our preconceived ideas about relating can hinder our ability to connect in the present moment. We can jump to conclusions about others rather than slow down to ask & connect with the truth of the matter. Attachments keep us in a bind with how we think it should be however connection keeps us present in the moment. This opens us up to greater intimacy – “In to me you see” – Can we handle the vulnerability of that? It is natural to become attached but it is growthful & vital to find a balance between attachment & connection. Think of it as keeping the energetic flow & aliveness between us while also promoting personal autonomy while in relationship.
I am forever in awe & wonder of how astrology syncs with our themes of the month & July is no exception. We have a fascinating shift in the cosmos happening, as Venus is going retrograde. This means it is moving away from earth & brings with it a slowing down, rethink or backwards turn in venusian matters. These are themes of love, relationships, beauty, money, women, social etiquette & norms of society. Therefore with Venus’s influence, we may see relationship reviews, shocks, scandals or pivots over the course of the summer. Also, changes in financial institutions, money norms, beauty trends & women’s issues can come to the fore. (The RTE wage scandal in Ireland is one such matter which is very Venus retrograde in nature.)
At Rest & Reset I will facilitate this month’s online workshop focusing on themes of connection, from connection to our self, connection in relationship to spiritual connection.
I hope our theme this month inspires you to enhance your connections over the Summer months & lean into the Venus retrograde with love in your heart. We look forward to sharing some ideas over the month ahead so hope you can join us along the way.
Thank you for connecting,
Vivianne.