Therapy
Therapy is a relationship between a professional listener and someone who wishes to share their experiences in order to grow, develop and learn.
Nurture Newsletter
Nurture Newsletter June 2023
Food as Nourishment Hello again & hello to June! Gemini season is upon us, the fast paced, curious twin who loves nothing more than stimulation of mind & great conversation. The Gemini sun will be reflected by the Sagittarian Full moon on June 4th, asking […]
Am I of value?
When do you feel that you are of worth? Is this something that fluctuates or do you feel a consistent sense of your value? Is it dependent on the externals, what you have, what you achieve, how many followers or likes you get? Is it […]
Nurture Newsletter May 2023
10 Years On
Hello again,
The Summer is here & I am in celebratory mood as this month brings my 10th anniversary of offering my counselling & psychotherapy services. As I reflect on the past 10 years, I am filled with appreciation & awe because I never could have anticipated where this path could have led me. My younger self set out to be of service to others in a supportive role through the trials & tribulations of life. The expectation was that this path would be challenging but also rewarding. I am so glad to say, the rewards have far outweighed the challenges & I thank my younger self for her courage in changing career, returning to education & believing there was a deeper meaning to life, that was worth pursuing.
Much of the past 10 years were spent working with the theme of self-esteem as “Build your Self-Esteem” was the first course I wrote which paved the way for much of my work & how I applied myself over this time. The course brought me on a journey throughout Ireland & has now made it’s way around the globe through the power of online learning. It was also through this course that I began my work with Aware, Anokha Learning, Jannah & Carina. It carved a path for many other courses, including our current offering Rest & Reset – Reclaiming the Art of Intentional Living.
With the wonder of synchronicity, our Rest & Reset theme this month is Self-Worth which will be delivered by Jannah on Wednesday, May 17th. Isn’t that so fitting?!!!
To highlight the theme further Anokha Learning have kindly collaborated with us to offer 50% off Build your Self-Esteem & Well-being for the month ahead. With that, I have also decided to offer 50% off Free your Mind & all of my downloadable booklets for the month of May because 10 years is worth celebrating!!! I hope you can avail of some of these opportunities to learn, grow, develop & support yourself in your next steps.
Finally, I wish to take this opportunity to thank you sincerely. I have met most of the subscribers of this newsletter over the years & have been touched & often changed by your stories. Each one of you is of value, each one is unique & each has purpose & meaning in the greater expansiveness of the collective. If you take nothing else from this email please remember to honour yourself, your own story & your own path because if you don’t, who will? No-one else might get it but maybe that’s the point. They can only see it from their view. Perhaps it is up to you to see it from yours. Step into your truth & allow the road to rise to meet you.
I look forward to seeing where the next 10 years will bring us.
Best wishes,
Vivianne.
It’s Eclipse Week!!!
Fated change & transformation Hello again,This week brings a powerful solar eclipse which often coincides with fated changes, transformation, revelations, endings & new beginnings. A solar eclipse tends to shake up our world, move us out of our comfort zone & push our souls to […]
Empowerment
Hello again, In preparation for our Personal Empowerment workshop next week, I find myself wanting to share on the topic of our inherited traits of empowerment & oppression because we are not born in isolation or individuality. We arise from a cultural & ancestral heritage, […]
Nurture Newsletter April 2023
Stepping Up!
Hello again,
We enter April with the sun in Aries, the self assured, independent, fiery ram which is met by the moon for our first of a set of eclipses on April 20th. This eclipse is strong & will ask us to step into our authenticity & perhaps take on the empowerment of the ram as we move forward in 2023.
When we consider what aids our empowerment, we often focus on all the action we can take for ourselves, our needs & our rights. Often, we get very busy in the “doing” of life & forget to consider the opposite; “being”. When we are being, what happens? Let’s come out of action & consider, when I am being, not doing, what happens to my sense of empowerment?
Often, it is in “being” that we feel our insecurities arise & what our endless “doing” helps us to stay away from. Yet, when we sit with our insecurities as they arise & really meet them with understanding & compassion, this is the place that forms a foundation of true empowerment. You see we can run from it or we can project it onto others, we can even blame others for what has occurred, but true empowerment is probably not about running from ourselves or pointing the finger at others. It is not about masking the cracks but looks more like facing the internal dragon & embracing these parts within.
With that it means embracing ourselves more in our entirety.
With that, I wish to begin our month of empowerment on the theme of validation so that we can name what has happened to us & acknowledge for ourselves where we feel wronged, mistreated, disempowered, oppressed, helpless, hopeless etc.
This is not to victimise ourselves but to self-validate for our own empowerment because bad things happen to good people. We experience atrocities in life that are not nice, good, helpful, just or on any level OK. Unfortunately, when we stay in the place of saying “That shouldn’t have happened” or “It shouldn’t be that way” or “It’s their fault”, we are holding resistance to the reality that it did actually happen. We cannot change that fact but we can move to accept that this is our reality now & we have choice with how we deal with it.
That is where our choice, responsibility & empowerment now lies.
Eventually we may find meaning for this part of our journey but for now let us begin to acknowledge that it is so, perhaps we got hurt, maybe it was not what we thought it would be but we are here now and life has occurred as it has.
So, let us allow ourselves to admit this as our first step towards empowerment. Here is an example of how this might sound:
“I have experienced this in my life.
It hurt me & had a huge impact on me & on my life.
I am not wrong for having experienced that.
I did nothing to encourage or welcome it but it happened to me & it was not OK.”
Now I invite you to write out your own validating statement to acknowledge what has happened to you & how it impacted you.
What I have found in this work is, when we experience difficult circumstances we often turn against ourselves with blame, shame & guilt because of someone else’s behaviour or an event that occurred. The lack of acknowledgement of the action not being OK can have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem. The subsequent action of turning against ourselves & abandoning ourselves in our time of need, is the very thing that holds us in a bind of guilt & shame & therefore continues to attack our sense of self. So let us draw a line of separation between the action which hurt us and who we are as individuals.
These are two different things.
“I am not what happened to me.
I have been hurt by what occurred.
I am not my wounding.
Again it is something that I have experienced & thankfully wounding can heal.”
Now I invite you to write your own validating statement to acknowledge
your sense of self, separate to the wound.
From here we go to our response which is often where we guilt & shame ourselves further, rather than accept our natural human response which aids our survival of these awful events, atrocities & traumas. You see, we do our best to survive & often that doesn’t look pretty. It can be that we shut down, we might get angry, we lash out, we run away, we freeze, we might appease, people-please & care-take. Every human being has a limit to how much they can take & every human being adapts to their circumstances in the only way they can access at that time. So we must acknowledge our humanness. We are not saints, we are not enlightened ones, we are human beings with layers of wounding & defenses that we are not even aware of. Our response is triggered by our survival need therefore is most often unconscious & usually the best we can do with the resources we have available to us. Let us acknowledge this:
“My response was not wrong.
It was how I coped with the resources I had access to at that time.
I did my best. I did well to survive.
That may not have looked like coping but it was the best I could do with the cards I was dealt & the supports available to me at that time.
Thankfully I am here now & I have choice to support myself in alternative ways & opportunities to grow in awareness.”
Now I invite you to write out your validating statement to acknowledge that you did the best you could & it was not wrong in any shape or form. It was the best you could do then. You may have more choice now that you have learned more & isn’t it so lovely to be able to acknowledge our growth & maturity as we move forward in life.
Finally, our last step is to choose to forgive ourselves & others involved in order to free ourselves from the past. This is usually the most difficult part & it takes time to allow ourselves to drop the hold of accountability. I find it helpful to look at it from a Karma perspective. That is their Karma, I have my own. I don’t need to hold anyone else accountable, I can only look after my own Karma & take responsibility for my own freedom from the past. I also find it helpful to look for my innocence & the innocence of others. See the wounding separate to the individual. See the behaviour separate to the individual. See the light that has occurred from that darkness because if you look with a willingness to see, I guarantee it exists. Challenge tends to be our teacher.
To support my movement forward in life, I ask myself:
“What thoughts, feelings & behaviours are keeping me back there?
Can I see my wounding separate from who I am?
Can I see how that wounding has informed me & contributed to my future path?
How can I choose to move into now, leave the past where it is & concentrate on my forward movement in life?”
When we allow ourselves to see our innocence, we create a safety within to hold the darker elements of the human psyche. We allow ourselves to return to the love of our humanness rather than holding shame, guilt, judgement & persecution of these parts of us. This, I believe, is how we begin to empower ourselves as we allow both the light & dark of the human-being to co-exist. We no longer need to run from it, project it onto others or judge it. It just is as it is & perhaps there is something much bigger at work than we know of.
As Carl Jung said:
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.”
I feel we cannot become empowered by denying the dark, the light or even the grey areas between. Life is much more nuanced than that & true empowerment is essentially born from humility & is why I wish to begin our month here. Let us acknowledge today where we are stepping up from & not lose sight of our experience.
Let our empowerment be born out of these humble beginnings,
Best wishes,
Vivianne.
To heal: a return to wholeness
Hello again, What does it mean to heal? This is where my musings have taken me this week. The upcoming workshop was a catalyst but my own process was very much to the fore. You see, I am currently challenged with an auto-immune condition which […]
Nurture Newsletter March 2023
Spring Forth Hello again, My father just reminded me of the old saying: “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” which doesn’t seem to fit on this calm, March 1st afternoon, here in the West of Ireland. It did bring […]
Rest & Reset – A FREE evening check-in
Our Rest & Reset first term is now complete, giving us a wonderful opportunity to check-in with you all & hear how you may benefit from the series, as we move forward in 2023.
Spring brings new energy, a fresh outlook & often asks us to branch outwards again after the Winter’s hibernation.
With that in mind, we wish for this gathering to keep us aligned in our quest for intentional living as we continue the Rest & Reset series.
What is your intention for this check-in evening with us?
What to expect!
- An evening check-in from 7.30pm – 9pm (GMT) on Wednesday, February 8th.
- Meet the group.
- Align with the Spring cycle.
- Personal reflection & discussion about the current rest & reset needs within the group.
- Set intentions with embodied visualisation
- The safety & connection of a facilitated group where each member is supported & valued.
- Opportunity for Q&A with Carina, Jannah & Vivianne.
- As the focus of this meeting is connection & discussion, a recording will not be available.
That’s not all!
On top of this, you are invited to join our Rest & Reset private Facebook group where you will get the opportunity to get to know us and others, ask questions and give feedback.
Step off the hamster wheel of productivity to step into intention & creativity.
Book your place here
Nurture Newsletter January 2023
Clarity Hello again, For many, the routine kicks off again this week & in the midst of cranking up that engine, it can be very difficult to check-in & be with how we are right now. The holiday season can feel like a blur & […]
Women’s Confidence & Career
Hi there, I have some exciting news to share with you… I was recently asked to contribute to a lovely project, to create an affordable stack of resources, in support of the rise of women throughout the world. This has developed into: The Women’s Confidence […]
Nurture Newsletter October 2022
Power!
Or are we powerless?
Power exchanges are happening constantly in our lives. Each situation, every relationship. How we use our words, our resources, whether we give or withhold. What we control, deny or permit.
Power is essentially our ability to exert our influence or control but how we do so can take many forms.
Let’s take a glimpse into the different power styles.
“Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
Abraham Lincoln
The power-over type is the authoritative power held by people, organisations and systems who provide rules and regulations for how we are supposed to conduct ourselves. Examples of this would be leaders, governments, work organisations, schooling systems, the police & justice system etc.
These organisations tend to lose power when the people’s needs within the organisations are not being met, offering power back to the people to exercise their voting rights or to even rebel & revolt. We can see examples of this in the UK government at the moment & also in Iran with the burning of the hijabs.
Power-over can also become “bad power” however, which tends to be dominating, manipulative and exploitative for ones own gain. Dictators can be examples of this, as are the controlling partners, the aggressive or violent sports coach and the passive-aggressive boss.
“A great man is one who can have power and not abuse it.”
Henry Latham Doherty
Power-to is the power type with more ability attached. This is an ascribed power. That which is assumed due to a role, expertise, position, knowledge, beauty, talent or even due to a certain stereotype or archetype. In Irish society, past examples of this would have been the doctor, teacher & priest.
However, in today’s world we see the rise of the “Influencer” as a new ascribed power type. This shift, from authoritative to ascribed power over the last decade, offers a more relatable influence & very achievable methods of gain, offering a sense of empowerment to the people.
“Power is only important as an instrument for service to the powerless.”
Lech Walesa
This leads nicely into power-with which resembles a “good power”. A constructive and supportive type which enables people to use their own power in order to have their personal needs met. Good power tends to have an altruistic objective or an objective to serve all. This goodness tends to be heart-centered & tends not to be for the benefit of the individual but for the other or the collective. Yes, the individual might actually gain in fulfillment from seeing the other or the team benefit. The good sports coach, the charitable one, the good teacher, the good parent are all examples of this style. The Ukrainian President, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, characterises the “power-with” style as he presents in his simple army green T-shirt, offering a visual representation of humility & that of a man fighting with the people of Ukraine.
“You have power over your mind – not outside events.
Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Marcus Aurelius
Finally, we come to power-within, the power of the individual who is self-determined, rather than being too concerned with external validation or authority. An internal point of reference offers guidance for this power type, to navigate through challenge or towards their own vision. A wonderful example of this is Vicky Phelan, who may be powerless in her cancer diagnosis, yet has graced our cinema screens throughout the country this week. This is a powerful & defiant stance over the health system which has previously tried to silence her.
This brings us to the ultimate lesson and the paradox of power.
Power is but an illusion!
Yes! Ultimately we are powerless.
As the John Bradford proverb states,
“There but for the grace of God go I”
Any external influence we have is only valid for as long as another aligns with it.
When we realise how little influence & control we really have. When we understand the impermanence of any reign of power, we can approach it’s existence with more grace, gratitude & with a regard for those who offer us their trust, respect, love, energy or attention.
This week, an example of the power paradox, saw the “GOAT” Ronaldo with all of his ascribed power being sidelined. His football playing power was only relevant for as long as his manager chose to play him. Take him out of the game & his perceived power diminished, resulting in the frustrated footballer exit the stadium, rather than play a substitution role with 10 minutes to go.
His power move in that moment; A walk-out.
So powerful, yet so powerless.
“Do not get upset with people or situations,
both are powerless without your reaction.”
Kakuli Sarkar
So now is your chance to reflect on which power type you most relate to?
Do you use different power types based on the situation or relationship?
Where & how does your power currently exist?
Where do you feel your powerlessness?
How can you embrace your powerlessness as another element of the human experience?
By doing so, does this offer a different appreciation & expression of your power?
“What we actually learn, from any given set of circumstances,
determines whether we become increasingly powerless or more powerful.”
Blaine Lee
These are my thoughts on the topic but I am open to hear yours & also interested in learning more.
Feel free to respond by email or connect through the social channels.
Take care,
Vivianne.
Rest & Reset: Reclaiming the Art of Intentional Living
How often do you “power through” your daily activities, schedule yourself into cycles of busyness & deplete your energy in places that have no real connection for you? How often do you over-ride your truth with a more “socially acceptable” answer or behaviour? How much […]
Nurture Newsletter – August 2022
“I Feel Judged.” Judgement can be a difficult topic to write honestly about as a therapist as one of the core conditions of the counselling practice is non-judgement. Counsellors, by our nature want to offer a safe space for people to share-all, without feeling judged. […]
Nurture Newsletter July 2022
Hello again,
I write this today with fire in my soul & courage of my convictions.
20 years ago I entered into a relationship which was out of alignment with my truth, my values, my integrity & my soul…. for what I thought was love. I subsequently abandoned my studies, my craft, my friends & myself, to embark on what I call the “allure of success”. And yes, societal standards would say success was achieved. Appearances would say success was achieved… but in truth, I did not feel successful. My body was ill & malnourished, my mind was consumed with productivity, my relationships were emotionally disconnected & I could not have felt further from God…. but it all looked pretty cool from the outside! The reality was my striving for success was killing me slowly. The final blow came when my mum passed away & the “successful” world I had built fell like a house of cards. Nobody in it could relate & nobody could be with me in my grief. No, in fact I could not be with me in my grief. Wasn’t I supposed to just be able to keep going & keep working?!
“The ‘allure of success’ has been presented in so many guises.”
In reality, the world that fell was far out of alignment with the truth of who I was here to be. I had lost that connection to myself & my journey began to reclaim my soul & my life, for me, not for the love of another.
20 years later I find myself faced with similar. Many challenges have occurred, some relationships have fallen & the “allure of success” has been presented in so many guises. Today it came in the form of a marketing campaign asking me to devalue my offerings, dehumanize others & place trust outside of myself …. in order to sell my courses & be more successful???!!! What sounded like just “giving a deal” was actually diminishing the 20 years of experience I offer in my courses & consultations. I have walked the walk to come back into alignment. I have learned how to nurture myself, my mind, body, soul, my gifts, my talents, my relationships, my truth. I have trained & honed my skills in guiding others to support their interior world. In my courses, I pave a way for others to take the path of transformation & listen to their truth too.This is what I offer. So I choose not to align with our current society’s distorted meaning of success & the perpetuation of lack culture. And I can assure you this is not virtue signalling. This is me reaffirming myself in my values, my truth, my integrity… because 20 years on, I now know my value & I now know true love.
“Whose vision of success are you conforming to?”
So with this experience today I urge you to consider, where are you being asked to sacrifice who you are, rather than be true to you? Whose vision of success are you conforming to & is that in alignment with your soul? Allow yourself to envision what true success would look like to you & what it would feel like to experience it in your body?
“Self-worth is worth sharing.”
So here I am. I bring you my story because self-worth is worth sharing & I bring you my humble offerings in this email rather than a flashy marketing campaign. Over the coming days I will share a new programme of events for the year ahead which I am so excited about. This time I am doing so in collaboration with two wonderful women & I know this is going to be the most expansive of my offerings to date. When your soul knows truth, it just knows! For now please check out my current courses: “Free your Mind – The step by step guide to elevated thinking” & “Build your Self-Esteem & Well-being”. Both have been born out of the wisdom gained from over-coming difficulty & choosing to journey within, again & again & again. Perhaps you will journey with me.
Thank you for reading,
Vivianne.
Nurture Newsletter June 2022
Hello again, Here we are, midway through the month of June & midway through 2022!!! June has historically been a time of vitality, filled with the abundance of nature & creativity as the Sun reaches it’s highest peak at Summer Solstice on June 21st. The […]
