Therapy
Therapy is a relationship between a professional listener and someone who wishes to share their experiences in order to grow, develop and learn.
Therapy is a relationship between a professional listener and someone who wishes to share their experiences in order to grow, develop and learn.
I am enthused by learning. It enlivens, challenges and fulfills me. I invite you to use this vast array of resources to learn about yourself, become curious, excited; fall in love with who you are.
10 Years On Hello again, The Summer is here & I am in celebratory mood as this month brings my 10th anniversary of offering my counselling & psychotherapy services. As I reflect on the past 10 years, I am filled with appreciation & awe because […]
Fated change & transformation Hello again,This week brings a powerful solar eclipse which often coincides with fated changes, transformation, revelations, endings & new beginnings. A solar eclipse tends to shake up our world, move us out of our comfort zone & push our souls to […]
Hello again,
In preparation for our Personal Empowerment workshop next week, I find myself wanting to share on the topic of our inherited traits of empowerment & oppression because we are not born in isolation or individuality. We arise from a cultural & ancestral heritage, a lineage which holds many explanations & much understanding of our path to empowerment.
“Empowerment: the state of being empowered to do something : the power, right, or authority to do something”
A Merriam-Webster definition
When we ask ourselves who we see when we think of an empowered person, what comes to mind? Do we see iconic figures of heroism or deity? Do we see our parents? Do we see the educated one? Do we see government officials? Do we see protesters? Do we see the tidy-towns volunteer? Do we see community leaders or do we see the single mother next door who does the very best for her family? You see, our internal reference will dictate how we perceive empowerment & this has not just originated in our lifetime but in what has been passed down to us from those who have come before us.
For example, my Irish history tells stories of oppression & famine but also revolution & freedom. My cultural history speaks of the land & it’s owners as provider but also deserter, abandoning the people in their time of need. My ancestry speaks of loss yet also survival. With survival comes another tale of survivor guilt & the destructive habits that can come with this but also a channeling of these pains into creative stories, art, music & dance.
You see for every toss of the coin there are two sides of the tale & this is how we can come to understand our personal narrative & how we can lean into our own story of empowerment & the choices it can bring.
To make it more personal, let us consider ourselves within the narrative. If we visualise ourselves as empowered individuals, how do we see ourselves? What does that look like & does that picture hang straight for us? Is it too jarring to consider that we too have the power, right or authority to be who we are here to be? What feels off about that picture? What feels good about it? Let’s notice & understand ourselves as we play with the notion of being this empowered individual.
So today, my challenge to you is to consider your own family, cultural & historical narrative & establish the strengths & vulnerabilities of that story? Allow yourself to become narrator & create an empowered chapter for your time in history. Give yourself the authority to wonder & envision. You do not need to see how the whole story unfolds, the most important thing you need is a willingness to step into one empowered choice.
What would that look like for you today?
If you would like to explore the topic further with me, click on the link below to book your place on our Personal Empowerment online workshop.
Best wishes,
Vivianne.
Stepping Up! Hello again, We enter April with the sun in Aries, the self assured, independent, fiery ram which is met by the moon for our first of a set of eclipses on April 20th. This eclipse is strong & will ask us to step […]
Hello again, What does it mean to heal? This is where my musings have taken me this week. The upcoming workshop was a catalyst but my own process was very much to the fore. You see, I am currently challenged with an auto-immune condition which […]
Hello again,
My father just reminded me of the old saying:
“March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb”
which doesn’t seem to fit on this calm, March 1st afternoon, here in the West of Ireland.
It did bring thoughts about the polarity of Spring, our wish to drive forward & the challenges in doing so. A time of beginnings but also the wait for harvest…
not very satisfying for the instant gratification culture now is it?!
March itself is the month named after Mars, the Roman God of War but also the guardian of agriculture, the god of Spring, fertility, virility, and growth in nature. Here again we see a polarity; this time being one of destruction & creation because yes, every seed is destroyed in the making of the leafy shoot! As Picasso said:
“Every act of creation begins with an act of destruction”
Astrologically speaking, the planet Mars is making significant movement this month which may bring action, energy, initiation but also impulsivity or impatience over the coming weeks. Many other planets are in fact on the move this month, marking major shifts in our own lives. Pluto, the transformer, last moved signs in 2008 coinciding with the financial crisis, while Saturn, the challenger, last moved in March 2020 in tune with the global lock-downs. While this isn’t a return to the old, it is a change of larger themes in our lives.
We will get some indication of what themes will impact us as we move through the month ahead. As with any change, resistance is futile. Our challenge is allowing the old to be destroyed & welcoming the new to unfold with trust & faith that the changes afoot are for our highest good; for our own growth, maturity & development.
The Spring equinox, falling on March 20th this year is also initiatory energy,
when we perhaps feel more vitality & again some forward movement into 2023.
As equinox symbolizes, the balance of light & dark is forever key.
Regardless of what presents itself over the coming weeks, we can choose to return to our inner peace & stability through self-care practices and connection with supportive others in our community. We have the capacity to balance the dark with light if we choose.
Consider, how might you hold your light in times of change, challenge or struggle?
This is the focus for the month of March at Rest & Reset as we bring you the topic of “Convalescence”. While we often think of nursing homes and the aged when we hear the word convalescence, it actually means finding that balance of rest & recovery after times of challenge, exertion, illness, trauma, grief etc. Unfortunately, we are challenged by life at all ages therefore convalescence is a necessary part of our human existence.
Carina has prepared a wonderful workshop for us to reclaim our liberty & inner authority to recover when needed. The words of Margaret Prescott Montague offer an inspired view of convalescence:
“Convalescence is a sort of grown-up rebirth,
enabling us to see life with a fresh eye.”
In addition to this we have collaborated with the wonderful David Bricklebank at Burren Yoga Retreat to bring you a treat & a little inspiration for your own convalescence this Spring/Summer season. David’s retreats are never offered at a discounted price so please avail of the generous coupon offer below if it feels fitting.
Finally, I am also facilitating Aware’s Relatives & Friends Programme this month, for those caring for a loved one who is experiencing Depression or Bi-polar. Again, the necessity for self-care is vital when caring for another so this 4 week course gives practical skills to help implement supportive practices into your routine.
There are many opportunities for you to check in with your self-care this month & balance up the challenges of life with much needed rest & recuperation. As we spring forth, let us do so with care for our health & well-being in mind & the permission to go gently with the flow of the waking season & the trust in the future harvest.
I hope our paths cross along the way & I wish you well for the coming weeks.
Best wishes,
Vivianne.
Our Rest & Reset first term is now complete, giving us a wonderful opportunity to check-in with you all & hear how you may benefit from the series, as we move forward in 2023. Spring brings new energy, a fresh outlook & often asks us […]
Clarity Hello again, For many, the routine kicks off again this week & in the midst of cranking up that engine, it can be very difficult to check-in & be with how we are right now. The holiday season can feel like a blur & […]
Hi there,
I have some exciting news to share with you…
I was recently asked to contribute to a lovely project, to create an affordable stack of resources, in support of the rise of women throughout the world. This has developed into:
The Women’s Confidence and Career Super Stack
The Women’s Confidence and Career Super Stack is a complete collection of premium training, tools, and resources to help you transform your relationship with yourself & others, build self-esteem, self-love and confidence, and allow your finances to improve.
Inside, you’ll find:
#1. Chart-topping ebooks filled with expert help to transform negative feelings about yourself, take control of your finances, overcome insecurities and fears at work and in your relationships, plus how to travel solo with confidence on a tiny budget.
#2. Full-length ecourses covering everything from how to take back your power, say no to things you don’t want to do (with zero guilt), build a confident mindset, plus strategies to easily conquer your goals, free yourself from the burden of people-pleasing, overcome anxiety and bad habits, and uproot the blocks that prevent you from experiencing healthy self-love or meeting the right person.
#3. In-depth guidance from respected mental health experts and life coaches, including yours truly!!!
My contribution is my Build your Self-Esteem & Wellbeing e-course which usually retails at €100 but this whole offer, of 45 different resources, is available for only €49.
This offer is available for this week only, from November 22nd – 29th 2022.
I am so excited to see Build your Self-Esteem sit amongst these other great resources. This is what collaboration is all about, we can offer so much more when we work as a collective. Let’s all rise together!!!
Best wishes,
Vivianne.
Power! Or are we powerless? Power exchanges are happening constantly in our lives. Each situation, every relationship. How we use our words, our resources, whether we give or withhold. What we control, deny or permit. Power is essentially our ability to exert our influence or […]
How often do you “power through” your daily activities, schedule yourself into cycles of busyness & deplete your energy in places that have no real connection for you? How often do you over-ride your truth with a more “socially acceptable” answer or behaviour? How much […]
“I Feel Judged.”
Judgement can be a difficult topic to write honestly about as a therapist as one of the core conditions of the counselling practice is non-judgement. Counsellors, by our nature want to offer a safe space for people to share-all, without feeling judged. Turning the mirror on myself and my own judgements tends to first bring self-judgement & opens the door to the good old “Not good enough” voice… because surely I “should” know better, with all my awareness, skills & practice!!! Yet I can still come to conclusions based on theory or based on prior knowledge of a person or situation, rather than staying fully present and curious to the reality of now. Also, I can do the opposite and fail to discern, avoid the red flags and perhaps give the benefit of the doubt based on empathy. But judgement is said to be “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.” I find this definition dissatisfying for this piece in particular, as it does not describe the conclusions that are come to without careful consideration. I am sure we have all witnessed, experienced and participated in these kinds of judgements. It is so easy to sum up a situation, quickly move on & not actually consider the human beings behind the narrative… because as humans, we very often love to “know”. To “know” offers an answer, offers us authority over a situation and brings the conclusion, but often fails to consider the kaleidoscope of lenses that each situation could possibly be seen through. When we hold the possibility for these lenses to exist, we remain open to learn new possibilities and can provide safe spaces for open discourse to occur.
“Judgement separates us!”
As social beings, every relationship is an opportunity for feeling safe and connected or protective and defensive. Within each relationship are also many opportunities for attunement or misattunement. When we feel seen, heard and understood, we feel safe & secure. If we feel ignored, judged, our opinions are reacted to, or a reaction is caused within us, a perceived lack of safety has presented itself. These fractures in the relationship cause a very natural human response as our nervous system assesses for threat. If the threat feels big enough, or a series of threats have been experienced, the relationship will have difficulty surviving. If the fracture is noticed and acknowledged, reparation can occur as the safety and connection can be restored in the understanding of each other. The difficulty is, our nervous system responds before we consciously do. It senses the threat and can bring us in many directions before we have had time to catch up.
These may look like:
(1) Fight: defensiveness, arguing, stating our case, dismissing the other, pushing our agenda, being opinionated, aggressiveness
(2) Flight: moving away from the other, feeling our pace pick up, faster speech, agitation, avoidance, keeping busy
(3) Fawn: becoming doe-eyed, numbing, appeasing, people-pleasing
(4) Freeze: Unable to respond, feeling flooded by sensation, feeling a sense of shock
(5) Shutdown: collapsing in on oneself, giving up, hopelessness, helplessness, uselessness, there is no point, I cannot be seen or heard, “No matter what I say or do, it won’t change their opinion of me”.
(6) Presence & curiosity: Actually stating either to ourselves or to the other “I feel judged right now”, “What did I say that caused that reaction?” “What just happened there?” “Did I say something that you don’t agree with?” “I’m interested to hear your take on it?” Being curious about the sensations you are feeling in the presence of the moment, noticing your breath, being present to your senses, being present to the other and the environment, just notice using your senses.
Again, all of these reactions are normal human responses and do not deserve shame, guilt or judgement. When we are aware of what is happening we can choose to support ourselves back to the safety and connection within ourselves and within the relationship. Also, slowing down the pace of sharing within relationships offers a chance to regulate our nervous systems in real time, re-attune to each other and support each other to share our very valuable insights.
“Are we willing to be changed by what we hear
or are we trying to defend our position,
in order to be proven right?”
Judgement seeks to reaffirm our position, using evidence to support our bias and disregarding that which does not. Therefore, the most important aspect of stepping back from judgement is actually being willing to hear that which we may not want to. This can generate feelings of vulnerability as we move into a receptive position. I know! Who has time for more vulnerability these days?!!! It’s much quicker & easier to jump to judgement and it can feel so good to be self-righteous!!! While I jest, the reality is, life and humans are much more complex and nuanced. Relationships require us to slow down, to be willing to listen, to ask for context, to clarify the meaning and take the time with each other because we will not survive in a world of judgement and the disconnection that it brings. We only become threats to each other when we treat each other in this dehumanizing way. So a great place to start is being willing to hear your judgement compassionately. There is absolutely no point in beating ourselves up for being human. It will not make any of us less human, nor does it contribute to our life in any way.
“Compassion time!”
So let’s begin by opening our hearts to our own vulnerability of being judged and being the judge.
Can I take you back to a time in your life when you felt judged?
Is there a person or group who you feel judged you?
What are the thoughts associated?
What do you believe about yourself based on these thoughts?
What do you feel as you remember this?
Where do you embody this feeling?
Can you describe that sensation?
Can you bring compassion from your heart to sit with this feeling, to tend to it as if it was a wound being nursed?
How does it feel to nurture yourself in this way?
Only if it feels right, can you send compassion from your heart to the others in this scenario?
Now let’s come from the other side.
Who is the person or group you are judging most at the moment?
What is it about them that you cannot accept?
What would make them acceptable in your eyes?
What would that give you?
How does that make you feel to sit with that which you are seeking?
Where do you embody this feeling?
Can you describe that sensation?
Can you bring compassion from your heart to sit with this feeling, to tend to it as if it was a wound being nursed?
How does it feel to nurture yourself in this way?
What do you believe about yourself or the others based on that feeling?
Only if it feels right, can you send compassion from your heart to the others in this scenario?
Take your time to journal and reflect on your experience. I hope this has helped to open up this topic for you. I have included resources below to help move through the discomfort of the emotions that can arise when reflecting on such topics. Thank you for reading and for doing your part to reduce unnecessary judgement in our world because when we nurture one, we nurture all, there is a massive ripple effect.
Take care,
Vivianne.
Hello again, I write this today with fire in my soul & courage of my convictions. 20 years ago I entered into a relationship which was out of alignment with my truth, my values, my integrity & my soul…. for what I thought was love. […]
Hello again, Here we are, midway through the month of June & midway through 2022!!! June has historically been a time of vitality, filled with the abundance of nature & creativity as the Sun reaches it’s highest peak at Summer Solstice on June 21st. The […]